dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
