You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
