if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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