He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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