Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I want to fling myself into the sun
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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