Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
