It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
