Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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