If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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