Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
