giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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