Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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