i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
