i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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