woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
