We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just found a bag of teeth...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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