hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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