My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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