Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
