A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
