Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
