no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
