mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
