I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
