Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
