I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
