dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
