I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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