Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
