its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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