And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
