I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
