I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
