I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
