dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
