yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
