Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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