I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
