i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
