Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
