just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
handjob tips. give me some.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
