There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
