I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
