I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
