i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
