Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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