i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
