Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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