He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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