i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
