when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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