she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
