I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
