dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
